Crybaby, you did well

I seek validation from the world. In this society, I suppose we all do, in its many different forms. Though I can live and function without this validation, the lack of it slowly eats at me and rips my insides to shreds as I try and reason with myself that I am worthy no matter what...

But when someone validates me, my self esteem cup floweth over. The high can last for days, or moments. 

I've been trying to cry for a few days. An odd thing to say, perhaps. As someone who is of the personal opinion that I shed tears far too often and far too easily, I've been trying for most of my life to stop crying, especially in front of others. It seemed that to cry was a failure, and then I would be upset even after the release of crying. Recently, I've been really disappointed and upset at myself for failures that were in my control, and despite thinking I was doing the best of my ability, I still failed. I've been sitting around in a funk, and unable to process the emotions. Usually, upsetting situations would have seen a waterfall of tears and somewhat self-indulgent wallowing. This time, the pain that usually nagged at me was missing - but all the same, the funk remained. 

I did it all; listening to sad music, happy music, upbeat music. Eating good foods, bad foods. Cleaning, and creating a mess and not cleaning it. Taking a walk. I couldn't shake the trap of the blob I had become, absorbing everything and not producing any results. Then I suddenly thought of these words.

오늘도 고생했어. Simply translated to "you did well today" or "good job today", the nuance is quite lost. When breaking it down, the meaning is more "you endured the hardships, struggled, and have overcome them". That is what I live for, the words of validation that fuel my very core.